I feel the best...

in a black shirt, with day old hair, smeared makeup in my sweatpants while I lay in bed trying to sleep.

Who even reads this shit?

My 2 favorite things in the world...

I love two very simple things in this world; sleeping and showering. I guess I enjoy these things the most because they are included in those few moments in your life that are for you and no one else. It is a time to be completely isolated from everything and it happens everyday.

Sleep is amazing because it is the one thing you can do that no one can take away from you. When I sleep no one is judging me and I don't have to say or do anything. I don't have to make decisions. I can just be. No matter who or what I am in the moment doesn't matter because I'm just the same as everyone else, or as different, but no one can tell.

In the shower, yes I'm awake but for that few minutes the rest of the world doesn't matter. I don't care what people think of me outside of this space or time. And who doesn't love feeling clean? I do!

I'm such a complainer lately, but at least this makes me happy! :)

Catch 22

When you're sick all you can really do is sleep ll day, and its supposed to make you feel better. Being sick means you get plenty of rest, but when you wake up from sleeping all day all you feel is this crappy slept too much aching body headache feeling. Another reason why I hate being sick, is because it is good for you to eat, so you have food in your stomach to take medicine, but you cannot even keep food down, without throwing it up or the latter. BEING SICK FUCKING SUCKS!!!!

Still awake

Lately I've had problems sleeping. I hate waking up in the afternoon. I love the early morning, I need to see it sometime this week. What am I really trying to say?

I'm getting so utterly bored with my current situation. I have this weekly routine where nothing is accomplished by the end of it. I decided this week to really start my quest for a job and move out. I thought it would make me feel better about myself, but secretly I'm jealous. I'm being productive, and as a result no one asks me to go out. I guess there must always be something to complain or feel terrible about.

how can someone expect anyone but themselves to....

I can't understand why people blame their inabilities on other people. I know this is terrible to say but I have already accepted the fact that most people are assholes. Just because you are having a bad experience, you have to make it your own responsiblity to make it right. I can't expect everyone to automatically have an understanding of every single aspect of my life, so if they say something negative to me then I have to be the one to make it so the situation is better for me.

Today I overheard this conversation about the party I went to yesterday. This person was talking to her husband about how he just left her all alone for hours. She discussed how she felt so isolated and uncomfortable. If I were in that situation I would change the situation. How could anyone blame this on someone else. I guess I just wonder why a person can have such little motivation to make their own life better. I hope I never make my life dependent on someone else.