I am to this point in my life where I am not constantly down. I understand again how life works. I thought I was never going to get out from under. Like I was too far down. I hope this lasts for a while. as weird as this sounds, I feel like because all this is happening to me I deserve some redemption. The fact that I haven't found a job yet, and I'll be honest I haven't been looking. I feel like I've accepted the fact that the economy sucks, so I've stopped trying. I also feel like I deserve for something to be easy and I feel like it is this. I know I need to make it happen for myself, and that is the person I once was. Its just so scary and daunting, to realize this is really life, and it sucks for me. I only get depressed when I start looking for a job, so I feel I may go down again.
I'm leaving again, I feel if I don't go for at least a month, my opportunity is wasted. I just don't care. I want it all to go away for a while. I want to be in another place, with different people. I feel I don't have friends here. If I could I would leave an never come back. I just want something different, something better.
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we need to keep doing good things and hope good comes our way. We must all push through the storm that is our lives, to get to the calm. I know we don't talk anymore and I can understand why. I just wanted you to know I read this and I want you to have everything you have ever dreamed for. I know that what you have and experience is different than me, but there is one thing you should know. I have been truly alone for the longest time, and its because every girl i have met hasnt had half of the strength and persistance that you had, despite your odds. I guess in a nutshell, I wanted you to know that I believe in you, and still care about you, whether you care or not.
ReplyDeleteP.S. we also only have one life to live, and it may suck it may rule, but hell, we might as well be awake for this ride, and if we can, we might as well take the wheel and drive whenever we get the chance.
Stay strong. I believe in you.
-jay