it's funny

I'm really trying to be happy, but I'm having a hard time. Even enjoying myself on this vacation is hard. I feel like I can't enjoy the good moments because I'm so scared of them going away. Like I'm wondering when he last time I'm going to get to wash dishes or put on makeup, or make my bed. It's like each one of those things reminds me. I'm just scared I guess. I hope this doesn't mean I'm falling down again.