I feel like Sunday was such a missed opportunity. It's weird I can't believe I feel this much hurt over seeing my friends, you would thin I'd feel this way over a relationship. I was supposed to go to LA this sunday, and I was looking forward to it all week. I even cancelled an invitation with Kat to go out on Sunday. A week earlier I emailed Roxy about going to New York over Spring Break. So this weekend she told the peiple I was suppised to go with that I was not in town, so they didn't even bother to call me. What makes me angry is that no one ever asked me. Spring Break is not till two weeks from now. They should know that considering we were college stludents, one of them is even still at UCI.
I guess I get this way when I miss really great opportunities because I don't want to let go of the time I have left. Seeing these people is always so great and it's rare and I feel I never have to explain myself. I need to remember that these sitations will come agai, even though I feel they won"t. In a way it's kinda my fault. I mean to text her I was just lazy. This is what it cost. If I didn't go maybe there is a reason. I know I said this was a cop out. If it wasn't meant to be I want to know why?
On the other hand last night I ate really great food, but I feel guilty and sick because of it. I woke up this morning at 3am feeling like my heart was coming out of my chest. I almost immediately knew it was from all the cholesterol I ate last night.
I'm dreading tomorrow. I guess I wanted one good day to help me feel better about what I have to do. I have to schedule all my therapy tomorrow. I just don't want all the stress of finding someone to drive me. Again doing all this stuff with the doctor keeps me from the world. When I'm at the doctor I'm busy, just not the kind I want to be.
I"m just physically and emotionally hurt...
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