I don't have everyhting, but at least for today in this moment in time I can still do what I want. I am going to do that. Even if it means working or not working. I will do simple things to make my life good,and I'll only take today, because I don't know about tomorrow. This moment is the only one I can know for sure that I still have my sight, my ability to speak, etc. I'm gonna use it Now. Later doesn't matter. Tomorrow doesn't matter, Now does, so now and Today is what I'm going to deal with.
This weekend I came back to me and it really felt right. initially I was anxiety ridden, now I just say fuck the rest and just do it and honestly I feel like I"m coming back to myself. If I don't do that I think too much and make excuses not to go.
Today in therapy I cared how my appearance was for once and people actually noticed. It really was a symbol, I realize that at least for now I can care about my appearance because it still exists. When it doesn't then I'm going to go back to the days when I still could but I didn't and I'll be so sad and distraught. This is all I have and it feels right.
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