The fears I have I think that I will always carry. I don't know if I can ever accept that I got dealt the shitty hand and was part of the 2 fucking percent that gets Spino Cerebellar Ataxia 7. I'm honestly the most scared of losing my eyesight. retinal degeneration is a symptom that occurs with people who have SCA7 and my cousin is 18 and she is completely blind. I'm scared of living in darkness, when I've seen light. I just don't know who I would even begin to deal with living that way.
To make it worse I'll be immobile. I can't see and If I stumble I could die because my body can barely move. Whose gonna want to marry me this way? The only thing i really have now is that I can still look good on the outside, but what will happen when I can't see and I can't wear makeup or do my hair. I am definitely not going to look good. and of course no one is going to marry me then.
I'm so afraid of ending up alone. I mean its hard to find someone who can realize and settle for someone who one day will not be beautiful, that they can't have sex with, will have to feed and drive them around. How do you even begin to tell someone if they marry you this might happen to the person they love?
These things all scare the shit out of me and I feel like I can't escape it.
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